today

...is not the greatest day i've ever known. it's just an ordinary day to say the least. what is ordinary? waking up, making my bed, doing simple deeds like hanging a wall decor for this sunday's party, drivin to the nearby grocery for some vitamin water, pepperidge farm's cookies and a small pack of hoho's ( yep, i am a sweet tooth). the thing is, i don't like the way the day goes by for some friggin reason. today happens to be a good day for the bills as it ensures that those remain to be balanced and accounted for. not that i live from paycheck to paycheck but is this all there is to life after the good old days of school? where carelessness and freedom seems to be much more abundant than what it seems now. i don't know, maybe living in a different part of the world has kept me re aligning my priorities or the lack of it. for now i am quite sure that the next thing on my to-do list is to grind through the days until february when another grueling set of bar matters would preoccupy my fancy. or is it just a way for me to mask this otherwise uneventful life? of course i shouldn't say that, or i would be spitting scoffs at lowlife's and less than ambitious people who content themselves with a smile and a happy thought.
maybe i just needed that occasional smile or that happy contentment in myself which i must say is quite hard to find. i could honestly say that the absence of such feelings has been a common place. i don't ask for it, i just have it in multiples. i just find no reason to smile about anything except perhaps the funny re runs of seinfeld, but other than that everything else seems bland and i always find myself suppressing moments where i could otherwise be a happy camper in this hot summer days of june. nevertheless i do not regret being this way for the meantime, maybe i needed this kind of wall in my psyche. immediate gratification is not really a part of my attitude, i'd rather delay for the most part. that's who i am and i don't see that changing in the coming days.