results known tomorrow

....and this time with certainty i will definitely say that i passed my California Bar. period. it is thursday . may 14. 12:37 noon...

things to do today: pack my bags for my NYC flight tomorrow. looking forward to the Dinner date at Pranna in NYC. and a night spent with Nikki waiting for the release of my CA bar results. nothing less than perfect than spending the most important day with the most important person in my life.

the snowstorm that made everything right

finally we're together 3/2/09

4 days till the california bar results...

why i know that i passed:
1. i used a macbook as my laptop. typing is indeed faster than cursive. ideas flow faster and efficiency is achieved on a better rate
2. experience becomes a factor. learning from the february bar has made me do the essays a little bit more analytical and more expansive than mere generalizations of law. had expounded a lot more on the PTs too compared to the one i took last february.
3. i got the PTs right down to the detail more than i did in Feb
4. i got 4 essays down to Pat, with me guessing that i did better than the scores i got last feb. more issues were explored, more analysis were given, and more IRAC was involved. if indeed i got a low essay score, it will be on questions 5 and 6, real property and CP/ Wills problem respectively.however, the good scores i sense i got from the other four would somehow counter balance that or offset the difference.
5. i chose C when i was in doubt over the MBEs and ran out of time in the morning session with the last ten numbers...i don't exactly know if that is a reason enough to pass.
6. i was inspired by niks for this bar unlike in february when there was no one i could focus my energy to.
7. God wills it that i make it this time. i know i am already ready to be a california lawyer.

why i may have failed:
- did not have enough preparation for the MBE. i didn't practice as i should have.
- no practice at all for the PT. zilch
- my failure to master CP/ Wills...again....
- only three hours of study time was devoted per day.
- i was working Full time. not advisable.
-i was busy concentrating on more essential matters of life...can't blame me, life is more than just a set of bar exams.
- family visit, took valuable time off my reading schedule..
-was not totally devoted to studying the bar.
-there was neither essay practices nor MBE simulation.
- i guess i just relied on stock knowledge.

* if i indeed made it, it's the inner voice in me that said " use a laptop and buy a mac" and of course, God's grace and nikki as my sole inspiration. not to mention luck and a lot of stock knowledge. Let's see if it worked.

it's been written all along...

i've finally said what i fet all along....took the plunge and bared every honest piece of my soul to nikki. it was a saturday night, the 25th of october, and apparently this caught her by surprise. i just had to say it and it came rather much later in the night when i left her pad and called her back again to say a few things right right up in my mind. i guess that was all i needed to do to let her know that all the actions i took meant exactly what i needed her to understand. and she got the message loud and clear and with nothing lost in translation. it felt great and for the first time, i have bared my soul to someone i consider the most important person in my life. i have lost her before and yet this second chance at making it right almost seemed impossible to accomplish. and yet fate has made everything look perfectly simple... it's the magic of romance i guess, now i know for certain what love really is for the first time....and with more certainty now than ever before, i have truly come to find the very person i wanted to be with--without a doubt, it's nikki from New York...

mid year in review

first of all, there has been so many experiences that made this year so important in my life. i have realized lately that my feeling of a certain "redemption" was founded on pure instinct and yet by a calculated investigatory accident, then by a stroke of pure cognition, it turned out to be true. she didn't really feel as if this was the life she chose. enough said. i don't even revel at this discovery or celebrate in the light of her depression. the past is truly past. now i realized that indeed things follow a natural and purposeful flow. i didn't choose to hurt anybody, although i must admit that i was consciously doing it knowing fully well that it will eventually have hurt her feelings if she indeed found out. when she did, few years ago, i could not truly say my world collapsed but the pain was there. but priorities had to be set and set they were. the situation as i look back now all seemed like a market economy on a worldwide scale. there was an upturn, a slump and a recession but never did it come to the point of a depression. that thing that occurred few years back was a self correcting mechanism to correct the flaws in the market. that's how things turn out differently at present. true indeed that the goal of finding peace and happiness never stops but i can truly tell that i am more than halfway there. finding myself back to where i once started my journey of finding who i truly wanted to be with brought me back to where i started. i feel as if i am reconnecting my life back to her and hoping that by revealing myself once again would not seem a bit too late to start it over again. the year 2008 has been a good year, even considering the feb calif bar, much of the year has been a very good one for me. finding nikki, surprising her, visiting her, finding my passion for writing letters, opening up myself once again to the idea of finding love and surrendering myself to the emotion has made this year really worth noting.
the year's not yet over though, i have an october date, a november reckoning with the calif bar results, and probably a white christmas in the works in the streets of new york coming my way.

left my heart in new york city

finally found what i've been looking for all these years. it turns out that the very first person i truly fell in love with is the very same person i eagerly await to see everytime i visit new york. that is why leaving the city is such a difficult thing to do. everything turned out perfect last saturday, red sox and yankees baseball with nikki made the day worthwhile. the day before that spent with her at her apartment made it seem so surreal. i couldn't believe my eyes that i'm right beside the person i've always wanted to be with and yet i did the most stupidest thing before--that is, walking away and turning around--only to find myself yearning for her, missing her all these years and finally realizing what enormous mistake i made before. my only hope now is that i wish i didn't come to late in her life...for then if the heartaches of the past has never really healed, then i know for certain that i lost the only person i would truly love for the rest of my life.

96 percent on the mpre

earlier i talked about freakin annihilating the mpre exam, i guess the heading of this blog entry for this day pretty much shows that i meant what i said back then. enough said.

left my heart in new york city

five days have passed since i got back from the big apple and i still continue to be elated from that highlight of an experience-- dinner reservations at the sea grill mailed on the day i flew to new york, reached nikki by surprise thinking how it meshed in like a spam email but to her surprise twas me on the invite,got snowed in in minneapolis St. Paul that led me to miss my flight to JFK which actually led me to la guardia international and for that my luggage got delayed for two days--but the best part of it all was seeing nikki for the very first time in 8 years, she looked exactly like she did the last time i've seen her and amidst the jungle that is the city of new york, she was the lady that stood out and took my breath away completely. surprising her was done with deliberate intention at such short notice and i guess it was a welcome surprise. twas 8 years in the making and i'm back to where i should have been in the first place... it has always been nikki all along.

getting ready for a big bite at the big apple

it's only a few days away, before i embark on a reckless, unplanned and totally spontaneous visit to New York City only because of nikki. and i like it. i am totally ecstatic over this forthcoming experience. almost ten years have gone since i last held my eyes fixated on her and i am about to bring back the lost moments in time in a complete three sixty degree turn...and there's nothing more exciting than surprising the only person that could have been the most significant person then in my life...and i think she still remains to be that person after all these years.

of course, i'm expecting the worst but the endless river of hope never runs out...

karma police

it was over before it could have started. that's how i see things manifested itself in the past couple of days. it was a whirlwind of events and culminating in an adrenalin induced parting shot that practically sealed the deal or should i say, tore the tie that bound whatever vestige of friendship that has ever existed between us.i guess this is how i get a lesson from past deeds where i usually end up breaking people's hearts. for the first time in my life, i was dealt such a blow and only then i realized how much i fell for her. it was karma police frantically knocking at my door and serving a warrant for my arrest. justice served indeed and now i am serving my sentence.

christmas wish list

Dear Santa: i know i've been more than naughty than nice but still, i insist on having these wishes granted. i know it's a bit too much but am sure i am certainly entitled to it. weird as it sounds, these wish list don't come around christmas 07 but it actually sounds more like a new year's resolution/or a set of goals. either way just because christmas is next day, it just feels right to put up a " christmas wish list" no matter how absurd it may sound.
1.pass the california february 2008 bar
2.maintain my unblemished US driving record at ZERO tickets for the rest of the year
3.annihilate the MPRE friggin exam
4.do something different for my birthday
5.finish reading "on the road" and "a hundred years of solitude"
6.to relish my last year being a "tweenie"
7.do more than just dropping hints tsk tsk tsk....
8.plan a weekend for the coachella festival
9.to just be reckless one day and drive off 101 south straight to Los Angeles
10.and just let the good times roll....

gibberish

woke up early today to find the motivation to study but my lazy ass genes got the better of me...again... this is turning out to be a struggle to say the least. i've again been sucked into imagining things that could only ever happen in a parallel universe living out my life that was once were and lazily daydreaming about it. i've always had this knack for taking my own sweet time, thinking that the world is waiting for me. i don't think my attitude will change. i am built this way, and therefore i know that i am doing the right thing.

so going back to my preparations for next february's california bar, i will set the revised plan for another day-- tomorrow would be good.

now it's just a few minutes away before i get ready for the daily grind of things--work, work, work....life really get's the better of me in this work-a-day world.

downhill from red rock

yes there was this friend i had to see perform at downtown mountain view and it was a blast. a coffee shop jam session really punctuated the night sky and it was a perfect blend of music and company in an otherwise cold november night. of course, a little bit of corona buzz from molly mcgees to where we first headed out to before finding the rallypoint for the rendezvous tweeked us a bit nicely for the evening's performance. well, nothing much happened ever since, the daily trek to borders for the effervescent cup of brewed americano and a bunch of readings were the daily staple for the most part of the week.... what else...hmmm..... just work, the daily grind, oh yeah, and a midweek meeting which requires me to go online for my benefits but which my own password literally fails me to access my very own account.geez...talk about being helpless and inadequate...too many things to complain about really but am not the type who'd blabber in a stressful manner. il just let the natural course of things take its place. and by that i mean, just letting it roll....

uphill climb

now to be on the top means being right where you want to be. earlier today, i was literally on top of the City, up in the masonic center for the multi state Professional Responsibility exam. well, what can i say? not much except that a tiny bit of bar blues came rushing to mind but the relatively "small" turnout compared to the six thousand and a couple of hundreds more that came out during the Philippine Bar Exam of 2006 gave me the feeling that this first part in becoming a california lawyer has been given nondescript attention. not that i wished for camera's clicking, drums rolling,and all those cheers from peers, but it made me feel that truly, one needs no special attention to be called to this great lawyering profession. funny thing is, not even my folks knew that i was taking the Mpre today, until i called them 30 minutes before i headed to the exhibit hall for the registration and the test proper. i always wanted to be just a face in the crowd anyway. i didn't need the special attention to the fact that i am a foreign attorney, hoping to pass the first challenge that is the mpre before i take head on the california bar in february of 2008. truly an uphill climb.but i've been there and done that, and i don't think taking these challenges now in a different jurisdiction would change my game plan nor affect my preparation.
today was an uphill climb, but i still came out on top.

in five weeks time i'll say again that i was never wrong in my assumption, to which i say now, it is a foregone conclusion.

T-minus 240 hours

it's getting nearer and nearer by the day and it seems like i don't mind the countdown just yet. the nervous feeling is a bit delayed i guess, for some reason, cinching the daunted Philippine Bar last year on my virgin take took a lot of pressure off in this new venture that i am delving into. yes, the MPRE is a prelude to the most difficult Bar exams in the United States--that is, the California Bar. Well,ten days before the exams and i feel good about my preparation. the usual review of the materials in a repetitive motion conditions my brain to either digest it whole or expect nothing to evaporate when the day of reckoning arrives. today i got plans for more review, woke up at 330am to re-read twice over the materials over a good cup of starbucks coffee, crackers and toaster-baked salmon with butter and cheese.yummy.
later today, i got snatched over to be in some chinese restaurant much to my chagrin, much later, i need to secure a photo ID for the MPRE permit and would probably head over to dave and buster's with a few friends of mine to watch the start of Baseball's World Series.

the list

there are certain things that i really want to happen right now. first, be able to make it past the MPRE exams in november, that's on top of my priority list. what comes second is just finding the right mix of alcoholic alchemy to bid a lasting farewell to my never ending fear of coming to terms with what seems to be an opportunity to meet the right person in life and fall short of making that leap....a dreamy fairy tale rendezvous connection is sometimes what i think of occurring. well...so much for the thought but truly action does speak louder than an afternoon revelvrie.
i do not wish to embark on an epic quixotic misadventure that i would think will lead me to giant windmill monsters but i fervently deluge myself into thinking of that great experience when you feel that surge of passion and devil may care attitude which to my mind has lost it's innocence during the year's gone by. i want to rekindle that theatrical feel , that burst of energy that tells me that there's one thing to do and there's no other way of doing it but just getting it done no matter what the cost. i like that feel. i've been through that several times and i don't think i've ever lost that appeal. i still have it, it just seems that i've nursed it too long to carry over my daily grind of things--the regular dog days of summer and now, during this this fast approaching winter. time does indeed fly, and truly life does happen when you're busy doing something else.

you don't have to be an android to dream of electronic sheep

is it as important to know where things have really started to have this combined understanding of who we really are today? nope this is not an existentialist statement yearning for the very reason of the importance of being...and possibly nothingness, but it comes to such point that my understanding of everything must really be somewhere at some very focal point in someone else's life. like for instance, the thought of me being here, in the very real world of sense impressions of day to day living stems from the factual matter of two people exchanging bodily fluids so to speak. it's never in a malicious sense of course but to speak bluntly about it, without the romantic entanglings of love and affection, i became who i am today because of two people choosing to plan me out for the purpose of procreation. i just blurred the vision of my parents doing "it" to have me....the me i am today. weird thing is, if i do ever have one encounter of this nature now, i don't think i'd think of even having a "me" so to speak...as of yet. typical out of the wedding knot gibberish i must say but truth is really very bluntly said...and i say it with much certainty.
few months ago this kind of encounter isn't really for such "fact" to occur but merely for mutual satisfaction for the wrong reasons. wrong because society dictates its wrong and the fancy of single life only gives it the green light. geez i guess i put out too much information this time...
well...what the heck, i just want to have a piece of my mind spread out in this vast electronic dream world.

precious

finally some sign that i might get a glimpse of that elusive angel with silver wings. well, couple of days ago, i did manage to strike a pseudo-conversation more likened to that squeamish small talk that everyone dreads. she came up and made the move and i was just too polite to reply, seeemingly cautious not to excite any forthcoming red flag to scatter away the obvious target so i managed to be in my penchance for nonchalant behavior which i must say would never cause a major stir.it must have worked, the non magic, the suppression of sparks worked wonders and just relegated everything to a seemingly random encounter. but i wouldn't wanna have it any other way. true, i work my stuff in an odd fashion so to speak, more like lame excuse for not seizing the day so it seemed. i guess i was just hoping for the right time....if and when it does come, it would certainly be a welcome surprise.

geez i've been remiss

wow time flies like the speed of light. well, not exactly but it felt like it since i last had the chance to update this thing called blog..anyway, it's not that nothing happened for the most part but it seemed as if i didn't have the usual energy to burn the night light and work my words through literary magic. ok i won't get in over my head on that one...not yet.

anyhow, weeks have rolled by pretty easily, hung out with friends, met new quirky ones, disposed off a few unworthies, and once again, a moment devoted to self discovery came about. all in several weeks. plus a stinging douse of reality check for my folks, who patiently waited for me to be home after a late night binge at san jose's britannia arms...


on the academic side, i've managed to finish off my application for determination of good moral character for my upcoming california bar--complete with fingerprint verification by the FBI affiliate office and professional references running all across the globe. from hanoi to auckland, a sweet stop at manila and back to the city by the bay, looks like am all set to be confirmed of my good moral virtues--at least in the next six months. let's end with a wicked smile on that one.

the road that was never traveled

one night i was spending the last day of my weekend lounging around the sofa, eyes fixated on the telly,and it suddenly hit me: there is no sense in bringing back whatever was left from the past. period. true that there were indeed moments where i could easily rendezvous into dreamland and transport my mind to where i exactly stood in the past and reliving everything as if doing it on cue from a role in this theater called life. well, truth of the matter is, whatever role i had in the past all seemed like the end credits of a movie--it just rolled off the screen and like a good actor who knows one great feat of triumph, there can never be another one duplicating that performance. i see myself in that self exaltation and with no regrets. i think. or maybe i would have wanted to take that role once again if possible, and maybe, just maybe, do it in a different light.