sliding doors

i would not utter the word "if" only to follow words that only show my discontent about how life has treated me cause i'm not that kind of person. i can only put so much ifs on my mind as it can absorb without showing much effect as to allow others to get some glimpse of how i view life as it passes me by rather quickly. yes, it can be a little disconcerting, nauseating at times, but mostly, it feels like i'm in that little boat sailing through rough sea conditions having the perfect mistake to not have consulted the doppler radar (which is by the way freely reported in the morning news). seems crazy, but days, months and years never seemed anymore crazier than what it has always been. i wouldn't consider that a mistake though, the lack of foresight could be the only thing that could have saved me from more unforgiving weather, or maybe not. nobody knows really how things could end up. there's just too many variables and i may have looked more closely than necessary to even notice the better things in life--blissful ironies of happiness in the most mundane things-- a chuckle, that killer smile, a foray of tantrums, even the never ending whine softly topped by a nice cold conversation depicting frustration, but nevertheless masks only what lies truly beneath. As one who has lived through it to tell this tale, it's that simple feeling of winter's passing and just relishing that great warmth of spring in each morning after... i always feel that, but never in the sense of uttering the words carelessly in my mouth. i have kept all that sudden beat, skip and throbbing, not to mention the unexpected blush and elation safely stored in my memory.