big empty

the moment that captures the most alluring feature of one's life has to have it's deliberate end. from a point atop the pedestal of accomplishment, reality must somehow set in and the daily routine of this so called life must keep rolling monotonously like the endless crashing of the waves. i mean, you can't be so freaking high everytime right? or am i right? it just seems weird that after all the hardships and the agony of waiting, amidst all the uncertainty of how the future may bring, when all seemed to fall into perfect sense and precise to the point according to what was planned, everything just seemed to taper down. let me tell you this, ever have that feeling of a saturday night party like the fun would never end but of course, you'll eventually come to realize that there is a such a thing as a "monday morning."

i guess i am into that right now. of course, things have changed for the better, i would never have it any other way. but really, must everything be in this certain upside-downside kind of wave? don't make a mistake of thinking that i am one ungrateful a-hole coz am not. i thank the heavens and stars above for putting me in such a situation where i am certainly proud about what i have accomplished in life, let alone my future generation ( if any at all)...but there is this kind of empty hush in my mind, a hollow point, much like a vacuum of zilch filling every space of my body right now. am i feeling the bug of a twenty something early midlife crisis?? i don't freakin know whatever that stands for but it sure preoccupies my mind right about now. i mean, when you honestly think about it, i must assure myself that i should not be the only one in this kind of quiet contemplation. misery loves company. ok.... i am a bit in misery but i don't know where the misery is directed at. or should i ever be in misery after all? right now maybe i wanna feel like i was in my growing up years where pearl jam, soundgarden, toadies, weezer, smashing pumpkins, silverchair, green day, gin blossoms, RATM ruled the waves....and yeah, don't forget STP...

well, i am slated to watch the pumpkins at the fillmore--yep, they have reunited and have 8 shows lined up. so has RATM at the rock the bells...

but nothing can ever compare to coachella...

not resting on my laurels....

sounds terribly nice yet it feels like i hated coming back to where i was during the long wait for the bar results. went back "home" just for the oath taking and the signing of the roll and twas ten days of pure pleasure. nothin more can be said about it. first time in years that i've come home feeling so refreshed and excited only because returning meant that i've accomplished what i started. goin "home" now back here in the bay seems like a douse of cold water over such a wonderful dreamy evening of fun, sun and frenzy. too bad, reality has bitten back and it's time to go through life as i know it once again. there's one more thing though to accomplish next...and it's not the big M word, rather, it's the esq. i'm after.