T-minus 240 hours

it's getting nearer and nearer by the day and it seems like i don't mind the countdown just yet. the nervous feeling is a bit delayed i guess, for some reason, cinching the daunted Philippine Bar last year on my virgin take took a lot of pressure off in this new venture that i am delving into. yes, the MPRE is a prelude to the most difficult Bar exams in the United States--that is, the California Bar. Well,ten days before the exams and i feel good about my preparation. the usual review of the materials in a repetitive motion conditions my brain to either digest it whole or expect nothing to evaporate when the day of reckoning arrives. today i got plans for more review, woke up at 330am to re-read twice over the materials over a good cup of starbucks coffee, crackers and toaster-baked salmon with butter and cheese.yummy.
later today, i got snatched over to be in some chinese restaurant much to my chagrin, much later, i need to secure a photo ID for the MPRE permit and would probably head over to dave and buster's with a few friends of mine to watch the start of Baseball's World Series.

the list

there are certain things that i really want to happen right now. first, be able to make it past the MPRE exams in november, that's on top of my priority list. what comes second is just finding the right mix of alcoholic alchemy to bid a lasting farewell to my never ending fear of coming to terms with what seems to be an opportunity to meet the right person in life and fall short of making that leap....a dreamy fairy tale rendezvous connection is sometimes what i think of occurring. well...so much for the thought but truly action does speak louder than an afternoon revelvrie.
i do not wish to embark on an epic quixotic misadventure that i would think will lead me to giant windmill monsters but i fervently deluge myself into thinking of that great experience when you feel that surge of passion and devil may care attitude which to my mind has lost it's innocence during the year's gone by. i want to rekindle that theatrical feel , that burst of energy that tells me that there's one thing to do and there's no other way of doing it but just getting it done no matter what the cost. i like that feel. i've been through that several times and i don't think i've ever lost that appeal. i still have it, it just seems that i've nursed it too long to carry over my daily grind of things--the regular dog days of summer and now, during this this fast approaching winter. time does indeed fly, and truly life does happen when you're busy doing something else.

you don't have to be an android to dream of electronic sheep

is it as important to know where things have really started to have this combined understanding of who we really are today? nope this is not an existentialist statement yearning for the very reason of the importance of being...and possibly nothingness, but it comes to such point that my understanding of everything must really be somewhere at some very focal point in someone else's life. like for instance, the thought of me being here, in the very real world of sense impressions of day to day living stems from the factual matter of two people exchanging bodily fluids so to speak. it's never in a malicious sense of course but to speak bluntly about it, without the romantic entanglings of love and affection, i became who i am today because of two people choosing to plan me out for the purpose of procreation. i just blurred the vision of my parents doing "it" to have me....the me i am today. weird thing is, if i do ever have one encounter of this nature now, i don't think i'd think of even having a "me" so to speak...as of yet. typical out of the wedding knot gibberish i must say but truth is really very bluntly said...and i say it with much certainty.
few months ago this kind of encounter isn't really for such "fact" to occur but merely for mutual satisfaction for the wrong reasons. wrong because society dictates its wrong and the fancy of single life only gives it the green light. geez i guess i put out too much information this time...
well...what the heck, i just want to have a piece of my mind spread out in this vast electronic dream world.