this thing called life

alright. here i am again. nope, i've got nothin to complain about now and it's not as if i always have some quirks to make a fuzz about. i just couldn't sleep yet right after work. it's that simple. or maybe it's that microwave beef stroganoff that has gotten my brain cells stimulated for some writing exercise. i guess so. either way, i have something to put up with this blogging report sort of thing. see, i forgot to make mention before about how this new life has brought me so much time to actually figure things out more about myself. during the course of this rather introspective period so to speak, i got to find out how more about myself. lemme just put it this way, most of my adult life i have asked the question: how did i turn out this way? i guess this goes without saying that a little of my dad's motivation to be a slave to his guilt and my mom's zen like solitary meditative approach to approaching problems of whatever sort gives my personality away. it was just like stumbling on a hidden treasure staring right at me in the face.
i mean, truly it is the work of the genes, but to actually live life according to what my genetic make up predisposed me to do is like watching an experiment doomed to fail from the beginning. but i guess that's the beauty of life that is, knowing oneself is half the battle. making the choices that make up whatever it is that's called life completes the whole picture. and where am i right now in this cycle of life? i think i can honestly say that i'm halfway to knowing myself completely. and the other half is still just loosely under heavy construction.

small talk

alright this boss of mine at work kinda left me wondering why the hell did he even bother to get to know more about my personal life out of the blue. i mean, it was kinda strange having him walk up to me and build a conversation about me if ever i were committed and it all started there. it was a sort of Q and A and i fell for it right off the bat as if on cue just like the way they do it on late night shows. and i was more than ready to spill out the beans so to speak. during the course of five minutes or so, i was spewing 3 years of my personal life in those few minutes of unexpected friendly gesture.i was just taken aback afterwards and i recovered all my thoughts and thought to myself, why did i even bother opening myself up like that to someone i don't even give a hoot about? beats me.

they're the band from Los Angeles

that's what zach said opening up the set with these words, "we're the band from Los Angeles and we're rage against the machine." they started out blasting on all cylinders and i was just mesmerized and taken by the whole thing like being back on my youthful heydays in the late 1990's. Yep, twas a good trip down memory lane and i wouldn't trade it for anything else. i lived to see them once and it might as well be their last appearance together. i missed them at coachella this year when they reunited for the festival down in Indio, California but i swore i never would miss the chance to see them at the rock the bells festival over here at san francisco. Cypress Hill was there, Public Enemy and Wu Tang Clan, but who cares? they were all a bunch of opening acts for Rage. although cypress hill kicked in some good old school funk( insane in the brain, kill a man) and some new stuff--be a rock superstar. but nevertheless, all the people were there just for one band that mattered most--rage against the machine, and i couldn't agree any less.

looks like new history is old history

so i was driving home from work and it suddenly occurred to me that two of my favorite cd's were no longer in my physical possession. i mean, it's not too much of a big deal but in fact it turns out to be a big deal instead. not that i am making so much fuss about it now but still, i cherish those cd's like it meant something during a certain part of my life. ok, maybe it meant something then, but hey, i still feel like a part of me is lost without it. ( alright, there's some drama in there but i swear to its truthfulness).
anyhow, it's the verbow cd and the Taking Back Sunday "tell all your friends" cd that i painfully lost track of. now verbow's "new history" plays back on my mind endlessly showing off those awesome lyrical magic. ok so i miss my verbow cd more than TBS, the latter being more like a Thursday spinoff. either way, somehow i felt like a playlist was made out of it and given to someone else who readily would have appreciated the fact of such solemn music contemplation generously given--at my expense of course. ok i might sound bitter and utterly inflamed by paranoia that an important part of me has been infringed so to speak. maybe i have not gotten over the fact that another new history has just unfolded, and perhaps this is really the new history.

more than the usual shenanigans

so now it's almost a week till i get to see RATM in concert for the first time. i dunno what i was thinking when i entertained the thought of retailing my ticket on ebay ( probably for twice what i paid for it) but the good sense in me won me over from that episode. i mean Wtf?#! it's freakin rage and it's gonna be the first and probably the last time i'll see those guys play and hesitation should never have been in my mind at all. i know, it seems that i have so many things on my plate right now but there can be no excuses. anyhow, it's merely a couple of days more before saturday arrives and i simply can't be anymore excited. i'm just a fan boy i guess, that i could never grow out of. music it seems has this certain effect on me that i feel like it keeps me grounded on the fact that there's just so much more in life than the ghastly routine of everyday living--and whatever routine that might be, it sure is better to know that there are other things more important than the usual shenanigans.

so does it matter if postal service is simply death cab in sheep's clothing?

yes it does. i guess in some freudian world of uninhibited freedom of thought, this question would come out naturally on top of the list--maybe on my list so to speak. so why does it matter? random conversations over the course of the year 2005 has made me realise today that even the most minute details of everything came flashing through my memory-- routine car drives, brief phone calls, short glib remarks, the loudness of silence that make every conduct look as if a total conversation has gone wrong but even then it feels like everything seems to be perfectly alright.

no am not on drugs. i just remembered how a seemingly unimportant question was thrown at me with utter amazement and consciously needing for some positive answers which i felt like i was the only person who could answer it straight face. of course it wasn't a simple Q and A type of thing, but in a world of complex conversation and naughty wits, i was simply flabbergasted to say nothing, dumbfounded i was, but then come two years later when all things were all too different, i stumbled upon it and figured out that simply, the vocals for both groups are one and the same. sheesh..

well, i had the same moment previous to this, but i did manage to come through the naughty wit and through utter amazement and surprise perhaps, i did come up with the right answer to a really good trivia, a blind trivia at that, the clue being the only voice you hear out of a song to simply find out who was the vocals behind the music: it was gomez. the silence was amazing. the thought that i didn't seem to have a clue resonated like a ringing bell but the answer threw the stereotype of being clueless and i was rightfully correct, and truly i felt good about it...

false alarm

yep...i managed to find my cd bag lying comfortably at the trunk of my car. i know i didn't place it there but am hella sure somebody did to feign off prying eyes from the outside lookin in...well.... guess there's no reason to press the panic button yet...but i tell you, that was one hell of a scare.

i guess i put to much emphasis on things i tend to treasure most and im that kinda person that does hold on to things that mean something to me in some weird way like a boxful of candies way past their expiration on my fridge...hmmm...shall we say 6 years?

oh well....things have changed for the most part and i guess twas for the better, but some things still do remain.