gibberish

woke up early today to find the motivation to study but my lazy ass genes got the better of me...again... this is turning out to be a struggle to say the least. i've again been sucked into imagining things that could only ever happen in a parallel universe living out my life that was once were and lazily daydreaming about it. i've always had this knack for taking my own sweet time, thinking that the world is waiting for me. i don't think my attitude will change. i am built this way, and therefore i know that i am doing the right thing.

so going back to my preparations for next february's california bar, i will set the revised plan for another day-- tomorrow would be good.

now it's just a few minutes away before i get ready for the daily grind of things--work, work, work....life really get's the better of me in this work-a-day world.

downhill from red rock

yes there was this friend i had to see perform at downtown mountain view and it was a blast. a coffee shop jam session really punctuated the night sky and it was a perfect blend of music and company in an otherwise cold november night. of course, a little bit of corona buzz from molly mcgees to where we first headed out to before finding the rallypoint for the rendezvous tweeked us a bit nicely for the evening's performance. well, nothing much happened ever since, the daily trek to borders for the effervescent cup of brewed americano and a bunch of readings were the daily staple for the most part of the week.... what else...hmmm..... just work, the daily grind, oh yeah, and a midweek meeting which requires me to go online for my benefits but which my own password literally fails me to access my very own account.geez...talk about being helpless and inadequate...too many things to complain about really but am not the type who'd blabber in a stressful manner. il just let the natural course of things take its place. and by that i mean, just letting it roll....

uphill climb

now to be on the top means being right where you want to be. earlier today, i was literally on top of the City, up in the masonic center for the multi state Professional Responsibility exam. well, what can i say? not much except that a tiny bit of bar blues came rushing to mind but the relatively "small" turnout compared to the six thousand and a couple of hundreds more that came out during the Philippine Bar Exam of 2006 gave me the feeling that this first part in becoming a california lawyer has been given nondescript attention. not that i wished for camera's clicking, drums rolling,and all those cheers from peers, but it made me feel that truly, one needs no special attention to be called to this great lawyering profession. funny thing is, not even my folks knew that i was taking the Mpre today, until i called them 30 minutes before i headed to the exhibit hall for the registration and the test proper. i always wanted to be just a face in the crowd anyway. i didn't need the special attention to the fact that i am a foreign attorney, hoping to pass the first challenge that is the mpre before i take head on the california bar in february of 2008. truly an uphill climb.but i've been there and done that, and i don't think taking these challenges now in a different jurisdiction would change my game plan nor affect my preparation.
today was an uphill climb, but i still came out on top.

in five weeks time i'll say again that i was never wrong in my assumption, to which i say now, it is a foregone conclusion.

T-minus 240 hours

it's getting nearer and nearer by the day and it seems like i don't mind the countdown just yet. the nervous feeling is a bit delayed i guess, for some reason, cinching the daunted Philippine Bar last year on my virgin take took a lot of pressure off in this new venture that i am delving into. yes, the MPRE is a prelude to the most difficult Bar exams in the United States--that is, the California Bar. Well,ten days before the exams and i feel good about my preparation. the usual review of the materials in a repetitive motion conditions my brain to either digest it whole or expect nothing to evaporate when the day of reckoning arrives. today i got plans for more review, woke up at 330am to re-read twice over the materials over a good cup of starbucks coffee, crackers and toaster-baked salmon with butter and cheese.yummy.
later today, i got snatched over to be in some chinese restaurant much to my chagrin, much later, i need to secure a photo ID for the MPRE permit and would probably head over to dave and buster's with a few friends of mine to watch the start of Baseball's World Series.

the list

there are certain things that i really want to happen right now. first, be able to make it past the MPRE exams in november, that's on top of my priority list. what comes second is just finding the right mix of alcoholic alchemy to bid a lasting farewell to my never ending fear of coming to terms with what seems to be an opportunity to meet the right person in life and fall short of making that leap....a dreamy fairy tale rendezvous connection is sometimes what i think of occurring. well...so much for the thought but truly action does speak louder than an afternoon revelvrie.
i do not wish to embark on an epic quixotic misadventure that i would think will lead me to giant windmill monsters but i fervently deluge myself into thinking of that great experience when you feel that surge of passion and devil may care attitude which to my mind has lost it's innocence during the year's gone by. i want to rekindle that theatrical feel , that burst of energy that tells me that there's one thing to do and there's no other way of doing it but just getting it done no matter what the cost. i like that feel. i've been through that several times and i don't think i've ever lost that appeal. i still have it, it just seems that i've nursed it too long to carry over my daily grind of things--the regular dog days of summer and now, during this this fast approaching winter. time does indeed fly, and truly life does happen when you're busy doing something else.

you don't have to be an android to dream of electronic sheep

is it as important to know where things have really started to have this combined understanding of who we really are today? nope this is not an existentialist statement yearning for the very reason of the importance of being...and possibly nothingness, but it comes to such point that my understanding of everything must really be somewhere at some very focal point in someone else's life. like for instance, the thought of me being here, in the very real world of sense impressions of day to day living stems from the factual matter of two people exchanging bodily fluids so to speak. it's never in a malicious sense of course but to speak bluntly about it, without the romantic entanglings of love and affection, i became who i am today because of two people choosing to plan me out for the purpose of procreation. i just blurred the vision of my parents doing "it" to have me....the me i am today. weird thing is, if i do ever have one encounter of this nature now, i don't think i'd think of even having a "me" so to speak...as of yet. typical out of the wedding knot gibberish i must say but truth is really very bluntly said...and i say it with much certainty.
few months ago this kind of encounter isn't really for such "fact" to occur but merely for mutual satisfaction for the wrong reasons. wrong because society dictates its wrong and the fancy of single life only gives it the green light. geez i guess i put out too much information this time...
well...what the heck, i just want to have a piece of my mind spread out in this vast electronic dream world.

precious

finally some sign that i might get a glimpse of that elusive angel with silver wings. well, couple of days ago, i did manage to strike a pseudo-conversation more likened to that squeamish small talk that everyone dreads. she came up and made the move and i was just too polite to reply, seeemingly cautious not to excite any forthcoming red flag to scatter away the obvious target so i managed to be in my penchance for nonchalant behavior which i must say would never cause a major stir.it must have worked, the non magic, the suppression of sparks worked wonders and just relegated everything to a seemingly random encounter. but i wouldn't wanna have it any other way. true, i work my stuff in an odd fashion so to speak, more like lame excuse for not seizing the day so it seemed. i guess i was just hoping for the right time....if and when it does come, it would certainly be a welcome surprise.