it's been written all along...

i've finally said what i fet all along....took the plunge and bared every honest piece of my soul to nikki. it was a saturday night, the 25th of october, and apparently this caught her by surprise. i just had to say it and it came rather much later in the night when i left her pad and called her back again to say a few things right right up in my mind. i guess that was all i needed to do to let her know that all the actions i took meant exactly what i needed her to understand. and she got the message loud and clear and with nothing lost in translation. it felt great and for the first time, i have bared my soul to someone i consider the most important person in my life. i have lost her before and yet this second chance at making it right almost seemed impossible to accomplish. and yet fate has made everything look perfectly simple... it's the magic of romance i guess, now i know for certain what love really is for the first time....and with more certainty now than ever before, i have truly come to find the very person i wanted to be with--without a doubt, it's nikki from New York...

mid year in review

first of all, there has been so many experiences that made this year so important in my life. i have realized lately that my feeling of a certain "redemption" was founded on pure instinct and yet by a calculated investigatory accident, then by a stroke of pure cognition, it turned out to be true. she didn't really feel as if this was the life she chose. enough said. i don't even revel at this discovery or celebrate in the light of her depression. the past is truly past. now i realized that indeed things follow a natural and purposeful flow. i didn't choose to hurt anybody, although i must admit that i was consciously doing it knowing fully well that it will eventually have hurt her feelings if she indeed found out. when she did, few years ago, i could not truly say my world collapsed but the pain was there. but priorities had to be set and set they were. the situation as i look back now all seemed like a market economy on a worldwide scale. there was an upturn, a slump and a recession but never did it come to the point of a depression. that thing that occurred few years back was a self correcting mechanism to correct the flaws in the market. that's how things turn out differently at present. true indeed that the goal of finding peace and happiness never stops but i can truly tell that i am more than halfway there. finding myself back to where i once started my journey of finding who i truly wanted to be with brought me back to where i started. i feel as if i am reconnecting my life back to her and hoping that by revealing myself once again would not seem a bit too late to start it over again. the year 2008 has been a good year, even considering the feb calif bar, much of the year has been a very good one for me. finding nikki, surprising her, visiting her, finding my passion for writing letters, opening up myself once again to the idea of finding love and surrendering myself to the emotion has made this year really worth noting.
the year's not yet over though, i have an october date, a november reckoning with the calif bar results, and probably a white christmas in the works in the streets of new york coming my way.

left my heart in new york city

finally found what i've been looking for all these years. it turns out that the very first person i truly fell in love with is the very same person i eagerly await to see everytime i visit new york. that is why leaving the city is such a difficult thing to do. everything turned out perfect last saturday, red sox and yankees baseball with nikki made the day worthwhile. the day before that spent with her at her apartment made it seem so surreal. i couldn't believe my eyes that i'm right beside the person i've always wanted to be with and yet i did the most stupidest thing before--that is, walking away and turning around--only to find myself yearning for her, missing her all these years and finally realizing what enormous mistake i made before. my only hope now is that i wish i didn't come to late in her life...for then if the heartaches of the past has never really healed, then i know for certain that i lost the only person i would truly love for the rest of my life.

96 percent on the mpre

earlier i talked about freakin annihilating the mpre exam, i guess the heading of this blog entry for this day pretty much shows that i meant what i said back then. enough said.

left my heart in new york city

five days have passed since i got back from the big apple and i still continue to be elated from that highlight of an experience-- dinner reservations at the sea grill mailed on the day i flew to new york, reached nikki by surprise thinking how it meshed in like a spam email but to her surprise twas me on the invite,got snowed in in minneapolis St. Paul that led me to miss my flight to JFK which actually led me to la guardia international and for that my luggage got delayed for two days--but the best part of it all was seeing nikki for the very first time in 8 years, she looked exactly like she did the last time i've seen her and amidst the jungle that is the city of new york, she was the lady that stood out and took my breath away completely. surprising her was done with deliberate intention at such short notice and i guess it was a welcome surprise. twas 8 years in the making and i'm back to where i should have been in the first place... it has always been nikki all along.

getting ready for a big bite at the big apple

it's only a few days away, before i embark on a reckless, unplanned and totally spontaneous visit to New York City only because of nikki. and i like it. i am totally ecstatic over this forthcoming experience. almost ten years have gone since i last held my eyes fixated on her and i am about to bring back the lost moments in time in a complete three sixty degree turn...and there's nothing more exciting than surprising the only person that could have been the most significant person then in my life...and i think she still remains to be that person after all these years.

of course, i'm expecting the worst but the endless river of hope never runs out...

karma police

it was over before it could have started. that's how i see things manifested itself in the past couple of days. it was a whirlwind of events and culminating in an adrenalin induced parting shot that practically sealed the deal or should i say, tore the tie that bound whatever vestige of friendship that has ever existed between us.i guess this is how i get a lesson from past deeds where i usually end up breaking people's hearts. for the first time in my life, i was dealt such a blow and only then i realized how much i fell for her. it was karma police frantically knocking at my door and serving a warrant for my arrest. justice served indeed and now i am serving my sentence.