tuesday's with heine

over the weekend we had this party going on at home and good thing my sister came over from LA that morning to serve as another warm body to cushion the steady stream of visitors mostly relatives of my mom and the usual cousins i see from time to time. the only disappointment is that i didn't get the portos cheese roll as i've earnestly requested that be brought from sweet LA which just turned my day rather upside down. or maybe i'm just exaggerating, i'm not that type of person who sulks endlessly bout not getttin what i want when i want it. i am just not that type. either way, i got something handy to keep me buzzed all afternoon and well into the night, that nice little green bottle of heine and much to my comfort, it's already a tuesday night and i still got a few bottles left over. cheers!

today

...is not the greatest day i've ever known. it's just an ordinary day to say the least. what is ordinary? waking up, making my bed, doing simple deeds like hanging a wall decor for this sunday's party, drivin to the nearby grocery for some vitamin water, pepperidge farm's cookies and a small pack of hoho's ( yep, i am a sweet tooth). the thing is, i don't like the way the day goes by for some friggin reason. today happens to be a good day for the bills as it ensures that those remain to be balanced and accounted for. not that i live from paycheck to paycheck but is this all there is to life after the good old days of school? where carelessness and freedom seems to be much more abundant than what it seems now. i don't know, maybe living in a different part of the world has kept me re aligning my priorities or the lack of it. for now i am quite sure that the next thing on my to-do list is to grind through the days until february when another grueling set of bar matters would preoccupy my fancy. or is it just a way for me to mask this otherwise uneventful life? of course i shouldn't say that, or i would be spitting scoffs at lowlife's and less than ambitious people who content themselves with a smile and a happy thought.
maybe i just needed that occasional smile or that happy contentment in myself which i must say is quite hard to find. i could honestly say that the absence of such feelings has been a common place. i don't ask for it, i just have it in multiples. i just find no reason to smile about anything except perhaps the funny re runs of seinfeld, but other than that everything else seems bland and i always find myself suppressing moments where i could otherwise be a happy camper in this hot summer days of june. nevertheless i do not regret being this way for the meantime, maybe i needed this kind of wall in my psyche. immediate gratification is not really a part of my attitude, i'd rather delay for the most part. that's who i am and i don't see that changing in the coming days.

sans frontieres

let me go back to the very reason why i came up with this idea of blogging. it's not like i just wanted to join in the bandwagon, but i kinda felt i needed to release some thoughts about my impending wait (then) for the results of the bar. now that the agonizing wait is over, got really nothin much to complain about now that i am an attorney. so it got me thinking, what is then the purpose for this blog now that the original intent for creating this was ultimately accomplished? i guess, i would have to say that keeping this running would be a hard act to follow through without a certain sense of purpose. so let me put it this way, until such a time i come up with another purpose for this blog, i'd endlessly bicker about insignificant matters i would most definitely pick up during the day( and nights, of course). which brings me to my somewhat regular stay at a local coffee shop/ bookstore which i shall call in my own words "sans frontieres" because it feels like you can move from the coffee shop to the bookshelves uninterruptedly without feeling trapped. now that is cool and amazing coz you get to really read for free and enjoy the coffee and of course the occasional pretty damsels who seem to get lovelier whenever they really make the point of hitting the books rather than being simply a decor on the wall. well, that's just me. i always tend to be partial to a lady who seems quite the brain more than the bod that she exudes, nevertheless, one cannot exist without the other if i am to take things seriously.
anyhow, what's my business in a coffee shop? well, i read, read, and read. i spend on the average at least three hours in a day just going through the california bar review materials. yep, it's not as hectic yet, as it should be, but i guess the time alloted is enough considering the bar is set 8 months from now in february. so there it is, and yeah, i guess i found another reason to keep this blog going.

6/6/07

nothin much is special today except that at this same time last year i was at a movie theater watching damien wreak havoc on the silver screen. i'm sure the PR strategy for making it debut on 6/6/06 seems quite frightening but the movie seemed forgettable to say the least. i don't even remember how the story went except that julia stiles of "ten things" was in there...i guess i am mostly bent towards the old damien movies....what can i say, nothing compares to the original. which brings to mind something i wanna share..i always liked things in their original form, preserved, unaltered and simply kept the way it was supposed to look and feel. unretouched, never tinkered upon and just being the way it is supposed to be. now, what's this all about? i don't have a freakin idea. maybe i'm just tellin something about myself and how i like things the way they are or maybe i was implicitly saying things about certain things that shouldn't be tinkered with, whatever that is, i don't have a clue. well, you see, i'm just blabbing around and for the sake of clarity, i only came upon this idea of writing into this blog just for the intellectual word exercise i could possibly come up with to complement the torrid and excruciating reading exercises that i am currently embarking on right now. yep, 02/08 is the target and while the winter might bring out the bitter cold, i am currently heating up things this time of year.

big empty

the moment that captures the most alluring feature of one's life has to have it's deliberate end. from a point atop the pedestal of accomplishment, reality must somehow set in and the daily routine of this so called life must keep rolling monotonously like the endless crashing of the waves. i mean, you can't be so freaking high everytime right? or am i right? it just seems weird that after all the hardships and the agony of waiting, amidst all the uncertainty of how the future may bring, when all seemed to fall into perfect sense and precise to the point according to what was planned, everything just seemed to taper down. let me tell you this, ever have that feeling of a saturday night party like the fun would never end but of course, you'll eventually come to realize that there is a such a thing as a "monday morning."

i guess i am into that right now. of course, things have changed for the better, i would never have it any other way. but really, must everything be in this certain upside-downside kind of wave? don't make a mistake of thinking that i am one ungrateful a-hole coz am not. i thank the heavens and stars above for putting me in such a situation where i am certainly proud about what i have accomplished in life, let alone my future generation ( if any at all)...but there is this kind of empty hush in my mind, a hollow point, much like a vacuum of zilch filling every space of my body right now. am i feeling the bug of a twenty something early midlife crisis?? i don't freakin know whatever that stands for but it sure preoccupies my mind right about now. i mean, when you honestly think about it, i must assure myself that i should not be the only one in this kind of quiet contemplation. misery loves company. ok.... i am a bit in misery but i don't know where the misery is directed at. or should i ever be in misery after all? right now maybe i wanna feel like i was in my growing up years where pearl jam, soundgarden, toadies, weezer, smashing pumpkins, silverchair, green day, gin blossoms, RATM ruled the waves....and yeah, don't forget STP...

well, i am slated to watch the pumpkins at the fillmore--yep, they have reunited and have 8 shows lined up. so has RATM at the rock the bells...

but nothing can ever compare to coachella...

not resting on my laurels....

sounds terribly nice yet it feels like i hated coming back to where i was during the long wait for the bar results. went back "home" just for the oath taking and the signing of the roll and twas ten days of pure pleasure. nothin more can be said about it. first time in years that i've come home feeling so refreshed and excited only because returning meant that i've accomplished what i started. goin "home" now back here in the bay seems like a douse of cold water over such a wonderful dreamy evening of fun, sun and frenzy. too bad, reality has bitten back and it's time to go through life as i know it once again. there's one more thing though to accomplish next...and it's not the big M word, rather, it's the esq. i'm after.

hate to say i told you so.....

i passed the bar.

this is for my parents, my sister and the rest whom i consider family and friends alike. thanks for the fervent prayers and the endless stream of support.